I became an unashamed born again Christian at the age of 17. Prior to the age of 17, I was a full blown child. In other words, when it came to relationships, I was no good. From the ages of 17 – 23 I was moving further along into a closer relationship with God. In result of this closer relationship, God was maturing me slowly. There was still so much for me to learn about myself, my relationship with God, and on how to let go of the baggage from my past. By the age of 23, I found myself feeling far away from who God wanted me to be.
Around the age of 25, my life, and my thought process about relationships began to shift. I am not sure if it was the fact I hit a quarter of a century, surrounded myself with wiser, mature Christian married men with healthy marriages or the Holy Spirit’s work in my life. I am sure it is a mixture of all of the above. I knew it was time to start intentionally praying about the direction God wanted me to go in with choosing His best for my life. I began to believe I was ready.
I’ll be honest with you: As a young, educated, single, decent looking Christian man, there were a lot of options for me to consider on who to pursue. Having options is not necessarily a great thing. I share this with all humility. Believe me. At least this is the way I looked at my life when I was considering pursuing marriage.
So there was this girl name Jasmine. Jasmine and I began to date back in 2007 at the University of Detroit. We had known each other since the 7th grade. (She always had a crush on me ; ) When I got to U of D in 07 to play basketball, she was there pursuing her education and cheerleading. I always knew there was something dierent about her so like any other man on the planet would do, I began to pursue her. After a couple of months of hanging out, getting to know each other, we got into a relationship. Did we move quick or what?
Jasmine and I were in a relationship for two years. We ended up breaking up in 2009. From 2009 – 2011 after our break up, we were messy. Hanging out, getting jealous of each other when we would talk to and meet new people, arguing, etc… Towards the end of 2011, actually around this time of the year she told me she was done with me and she was moving on. I’ve heard it from her before but this time it seemed to be serious. And she was. We stopped communicating. For 6 months we were disconnected. We didn’t say a single word to each other.
One day in April of 2012, I got a text message from her wanting to talk and hang out. At this time, I was thinking, “what the heck does she want? I am sure she is working her way towards engagement by now and she is about to tell me all about it.”
She insisted on getting together to talk. She had something she wanted to share with me. When we got together she shared she still had deep feelings for me and she didn’t know what to do. By this time I had spent the past 6 months of my life getting over the feelings I had for her so this conversation came as a shock to me.
After this conversation, Jasmine and I began to rebuild our friendship. We both had grew tremendously in our walk with God. From being away from each other, disconnected, we both allowed God to work on our hearts. (Thank God for that) And at this point in the story I had moved to Benton Harbor, MI to serve in the ministry (2 hours & 15 min away from Jasmine).
On December 31, 2012, Jasmine and I were at the church I serve at, Overow Church with about 40 –50 people for a New Year celebration. I had asked her to join me in the sanctuary to go pray. She had no idea, I was going to ask her to court me after the clock hit mid night. (Be on the look out for my blog: Courting verse Dating) As we went to the altar, I expressed my desire to court her. She said yes. We kneeled down and I prayed for our relationship.
There came a point in my life that God helped me realize. I cannot continue to call myself a man of God and continue to play with this woman’s heart anymore. I needed to let go of my childish ways.
4 months later I found myself asking her to be my rib. To commit our love to an everlasting covenant. To hold my hand in marriage. To become my ance. To take all of our aws, our baggage and move forward.
See proposal video below!
http://www.youtube.com/watch? v=yC3k9UgwgZ4
So often I see Christian men and women confused. Hurting each other, not willing to work out the diculties of life and move forward together. As a man of God, I am entitled to treat this woman (my wife) like the daughter of God she is created to be. It came to a point where God was impressing on my heart, “marry her or move on.” In other words, get out of the way or make a way.
I have to be honest with you. We come up with so many excuses, waste so much of each others time when we do not allow God to have control of our love and relationship. We need to constantly seek God, rst on our behalf and second on the behalf of the person we say we love.
If we don’t love ourselves, how are we going to wholeheartedly love another person?
So what is it going to be my brother? Are you going to get yourself right with God? Are you going to be honest about your struggles? Are you going to choose God’s best for your life or are you going to continue to waste you and her time? Sisters, don’t think you do not play a role in this story. I’ll save that perspective for another blog post.
My friends, it is time to be the man and woman God called us to be!
She got the ring and we’ve moved on!
P.S. What are your thoughts?
Sisters: Don’t allow a man to come between you and God. Do not allow a man to run over you. Don’t waste your time chasing someone that does not want to be with you. Embrace your singleness. Seek God. Depend on God. He will come through. Pray hard and work on yourself harder.
Men: We have to do better. God has called us to be leaders. To take care of our sister’s heart. To stop playing games. To know what we want. To be Christ centered, love focused, heart full of integrity with much diligence in our daily lives.
By: J Scott Samarco
(jscottsamarco.com)
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