|
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
4 Biblical Traits Of A Man Not Ready For Marriage - Jamal Miller
Saturday, October 24, 2015
Give Her A Ring Or Move On! - J Scott Samarco
Give her a ring or move on. Bold huh? Not really. This is something I had to wrestle with. This is something I had to do. There is a Scripture in the Bible that says this: “When I was a child, I thought as a child but when I became a man I put away childish things.”
I became an unashamed born again Christian at the age of 17. Prior to the age of 17, I was a full blown child. In other words, when it came to relationships, I was no good. From the ages of 17 – 23 I was moving further along into a closer relationship with God. In result of this closer relationship, God was maturing me slowly. There was still so much for me to learn about myself, my relationship with God, and on how to let go of the baggage from my past. By the age of 23, I found myself feeling far away from who God wanted me to be.
Around the age of 25, my life, and my thought process about relationships began to shift. I am not sure if it was the fact I hit a quarter of a century, surrounded myself with wiser, mature Christian married men with healthy marriages or the Holy Spirit’s work in my life. I am sure it is a mixture of all of the above. I knew it was time to start intentionally praying about the direction God wanted me to go in with choosing His best for my life. I began to believe I was ready.
I’ll be honest with you: As a young, educated, single, decent looking Christian man, there were a lot of options for me to consider on who to pursue. Having options is not necessarily a great thing. I share this with all humility. Believe me. At least this is the way I looked at my life when I was considering pursuing marriage.
So there was this girl name Jasmine. Jasmine and I began to date back in 2007 at the University of Detroit. We had known each other since the 7th grade. (She always had a crush on me ; ) When I got to U of D in 07 to play basketball, she was there pursuing her education and cheerleading. I always knew there was something dierent about her so like any other man on the planet would do, I began to pursue her. After a couple of months of hanging out, getting to know each other, we got into a relationship. Did we move quick or what?
Jasmine and I were in a relationship for two years. We ended up breaking up in 2009. From 2009 – 2011 after our break up, we were messy. Hanging out, getting jealous of each other when we would talk to and meet new people, arguing, etc… Towards the end of 2011, actually around this time of the year she told me she was done with me and she was moving on. I’ve heard it from her before but this time it seemed to be serious. And she was. We stopped communicating. For 6 months we were disconnected. We didn’t say a single word to each other.
One day in April of 2012, I got a text message from her wanting to talk and hang out. At this time, I was thinking, “what the heck does she want? I am sure she is working her way towards engagement by now and she is about to tell me all about it.”
She insisted on getting together to talk. She had something she wanted to share with me. When we got together she shared she still had deep feelings for me and she didn’t know what to do. By this time I had spent the past 6 months of my life getting over the feelings I had for her so this conversation came as a shock to me.
After this conversation, Jasmine and I began to rebuild our friendship. We both had grew tremendously in our walk with God. From being away from each other, disconnected, we both allowed God to work on our hearts. (Thank God for that) And at this point in the story I had moved to Benton Harbor, MI to serve in the ministry (2 hours & 15 min away from Jasmine).
On December 31, 2012, Jasmine and I were at the church I serve at, Overow Church with about 40 –50 people for a New Year celebration. I had asked her to join me in the sanctuary to go pray. She had no idea, I was going to ask her to court me after the clock hit mid night. (Be on the look out for my blog: Courting verse Dating) As we went to the altar, I expressed my desire to court her. She said yes. We kneeled down and I prayed for our relationship.
There came a point in my life that God helped me realize. I cannot continue to call myself a man of God and continue to play with this woman’s heart anymore. I needed to let go of my childish ways.
4 months later I found myself asking her to be my rib. To commit our love to an everlasting covenant. To hold my hand in marriage. To become my ance. To take all of our aws, our baggage and move forward.
See proposal video below!
http://www.youtube.com/watch? v=yC3k9UgwgZ4
So often I see Christian men and women confused. Hurting each other, not willing to work out the diculties of life and move forward together. As a man of God, I am entitled to treat this woman (my wife) like the daughter of God she is created to be. It came to a point where God was impressing on my heart, “marry her or move on.” In other words, get out of the way or make a way.
I have to be honest with you. We come up with so many excuses, waste so much of each others time when we do not allow God to have control of our love and relationship. We need to constantly seek God, rst on our behalf and second on the behalf of the person we say we love.
If we don’t love ourselves, how are we going to wholeheartedly love another person?
So what is it going to be my brother? Are you going to get yourself right with God? Are you going to be honest about your struggles? Are you going to choose God’s best for your life or are you going to continue to waste you and her time? Sisters, don’t think you do not play a role in this story. I’ll save that perspective for another blog post.
My friends, it is time to be the man and woman God called us to be!
She got the ring and we’ve moved on!
P.S. What are your thoughts?
Sisters: Don’t allow a man to come between you and God. Do not allow a man to run over you. Don’t waste your time chasing someone that does not want to be with you. Embrace your singleness. Seek God. Depend on God. He will come through. Pray hard and work on yourself harder.
Men: We have to do better. God has called us to be leaders. To take care of our sister’s heart. To stop playing games. To know what we want. To be Christ centered, love focused, heart full of integrity with much diligence in our daily lives.
By: J Scott Samarco
(jscottsamarco.com)
I became an unashamed born again Christian at the age of 17. Prior to the age of 17, I was a full blown child. In other words, when it came to relationships, I was no good. From the ages of 17 – 23 I was moving further along into a closer relationship with God. In result of this closer relationship, God was maturing me slowly. There was still so much for me to learn about myself, my relationship with God, and on how to let go of the baggage from my past. By the age of 23, I found myself feeling far away from who God wanted me to be.
Around the age of 25, my life, and my thought process about relationships began to shift. I am not sure if it was the fact I hit a quarter of a century, surrounded myself with wiser, mature Christian married men with healthy marriages or the Holy Spirit’s work in my life. I am sure it is a mixture of all of the above. I knew it was time to start intentionally praying about the direction God wanted me to go in with choosing His best for my life. I began to believe I was ready.
I’ll be honest with you: As a young, educated, single, decent looking Christian man, there were a lot of options for me to consider on who to pursue. Having options is not necessarily a great thing. I share this with all humility. Believe me. At least this is the way I looked at my life when I was considering pursuing marriage.
So there was this girl name Jasmine. Jasmine and I began to date back in 2007 at the University of Detroit. We had known each other since the 7th grade. (She always had a crush on me ; ) When I got to U of D in 07 to play basketball, she was there pursuing her education and cheerleading. I always knew there was something dierent about her so like any other man on the planet would do, I began to pursue her. After a couple of months of hanging out, getting to know each other, we got into a relationship. Did we move quick or what?
Jasmine and I were in a relationship for two years. We ended up breaking up in 2009. From 2009 – 2011 after our break up, we were messy. Hanging out, getting jealous of each other when we would talk to and meet new people, arguing, etc… Towards the end of 2011, actually around this time of the year she told me she was done with me and she was moving on. I’ve heard it from her before but this time it seemed to be serious. And she was. We stopped communicating. For 6 months we were disconnected. We didn’t say a single word to each other.
One day in April of 2012, I got a text message from her wanting to talk and hang out. At this time, I was thinking, “what the heck does she want? I am sure she is working her way towards engagement by now and she is about to tell me all about it.”
She insisted on getting together to talk. She had something she wanted to share with me. When we got together she shared she still had deep feelings for me and she didn’t know what to do. By this time I had spent the past 6 months of my life getting over the feelings I had for her so this conversation came as a shock to me.
After this conversation, Jasmine and I began to rebuild our friendship. We both had grew tremendously in our walk with God. From being away from each other, disconnected, we both allowed God to work on our hearts. (Thank God for that) And at this point in the story I had moved to Benton Harbor, MI to serve in the ministry (2 hours & 15 min away from Jasmine).
On December 31, 2012, Jasmine and I were at the church I serve at, Overow Church with about 40 –50 people for a New Year celebration. I had asked her to join me in the sanctuary to go pray. She had no idea, I was going to ask her to court me after the clock hit mid night. (Be on the look out for my blog: Courting verse Dating) As we went to the altar, I expressed my desire to court her. She said yes. We kneeled down and I prayed for our relationship.
There came a point in my life that God helped me realize. I cannot continue to call myself a man of God and continue to play with this woman’s heart anymore. I needed to let go of my childish ways.
4 months later I found myself asking her to be my rib. To commit our love to an everlasting covenant. To hold my hand in marriage. To become my ance. To take all of our aws, our baggage and move forward.
See proposal video below!
http://www.youtube.com/watch? v=yC3k9UgwgZ4
So often I see Christian men and women confused. Hurting each other, not willing to work out the diculties of life and move forward together. As a man of God, I am entitled to treat this woman (my wife) like the daughter of God she is created to be. It came to a point where God was impressing on my heart, “marry her or move on.” In other words, get out of the way or make a way.
I have to be honest with you. We come up with so many excuses, waste so much of each others time when we do not allow God to have control of our love and relationship. We need to constantly seek God, rst on our behalf and second on the behalf of the person we say we love.
If we don’t love ourselves, how are we going to wholeheartedly love another person?
So what is it going to be my brother? Are you going to get yourself right with God? Are you going to be honest about your struggles? Are you going to choose God’s best for your life or are you going to continue to waste you and her time? Sisters, don’t think you do not play a role in this story. I’ll save that perspective for another blog post.
My friends, it is time to be the man and woman God called us to be!
She got the ring and we’ve moved on!
P.S. What are your thoughts?
Sisters: Don’t allow a man to come between you and God. Do not allow a man to run over you. Don’t waste your time chasing someone that does not want to be with you. Embrace your singleness. Seek God. Depend on God. He will come through. Pray hard and work on yourself harder.
Men: We have to do better. God has called us to be leaders. To take care of our sister’s heart. To stop playing games. To know what we want. To be Christ centered, love focused, heart full of integrity with much diligence in our daily lives.
By: J Scott Samarco
(jscottsamarco.com)
Saturday, October 10, 2015
13 Lies Women Often Believe - Ti-Sha Inspiration
1. The best way to get over one man is to get onto another. This goes out to all serial daters.You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing appealing about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. Fortify your relationship with God. Rebound relationship is toxic.
2. Less is more. This is only true when it comes to accessories or makeup. The media and peer pressure make many women believe that the “Hot" girls get the best guys. Hence, show us as much of your back, boobs, lower waist, upper bum and legs as possible. This does a lot of harm to girls and women who don't have much confidence and further affects their self-esteem..
3. Good Sex will make him stay. No it will not. Men do not marry the women just because they have the best skills in the bedroom. If they did, there would be no prostitutes or pornstars.
4. Marriage will complete me. Sometimes, when we lack in completeness we often seek it in relationships, marriage, sex, or material things. Things that seem to improve acceptance. Never embark on a relationship just to fill in a void in your life.
5. Kids will make him stay. You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within. Kids are more likely to make a woman stay than a man. Don't EVER try to use a child to keep a man. and while you're at it, avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
6. If I marry a Godly man I will have the perfect marriage. I guess it depends on what you your definition of perfect is.You cannot ride on the coattails of anyone to get into heaven and no matter how Godly a man you still have to work to make the marriage a success. Secondly, you will not be able to identify a Godly man if you are not Godly yourself, you will think that because he is active in church and his prayers are the loudest, he will make a good and Godly husband and therefore your marriage will be blissful. Perhaps his prayers are the loudest because he knows there is so much work that needs to be done in his life.
7. My spiritual development is not as important as my husband's. Many women struggle with the fact that their husbands don’t pick up the gauntlet to be the spiritual head of the home as the Bible talks about. They think their spiritual maturity makes no difference as long as their husband are not standing up as the spiritual head. This is false, going under him and pushing him up… encouraging him and assuring him he can get to that place, makes you the help mate you are supposed to be. Wives must fast & pray for their husbands, as they have a very important role within the home. They must also convey a quiet & meek spirit , while showing respect to her husband.
8. I am valuable because I am beautiful. When some women spend a fortune on beauty product its because they feel that beauty makes them worthy of love and admiration. I can tell you for free that, God would not give us a worth that fades away so easily. Whenever God talks about giving someone worth, He talks about “clothing” them. If you think this refers to physical clothing alone please contact me personally. a girl, who is Godly, Loving, caring, with self esteem and who respects herself and knows the fact that She belongs to a single man and not to every other man is respected. As Proverbs 11:22 says ” Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion. ”
9. "Baby, you know I love you. How could you ever doubt my love for you and how much I care for you?" You want to know why so many women get their hearts broken by men? Among other reasons, because of their "addiction" to hearing these three words: "I love you." All womanizers know the quickest way to endear themselves to a woman is to tell her, "I care for you, baby ... I love you." Those three words are like a psychological aphrodisiac for most women.
You need to get out of this trap. If you keep falling victim to that trap and you will keep getting dogged out by men. Men who are sincerely in love with you do not tell you this right before trying or whilst trying to have sex. They will tell you they love you in a random manner "just because."
10. "Baby, of course I'm going to marry you someday. I know we've been dating for six years, but I am going to propose to you soon." I have known men to propose to a woman after dating them for five years. I will not go on record as saying that never, ever happens. That being said, the vast majority of men know within the first year of dating a woman if they are going to propose to that woman or not. He may postpone proposing to his woman because he doesn't feel stable in his career or because he's wondering if there might be another woman who would be a better match, but it shouldn't take five or more years to determine if you are "the one."
11. Modesty means boring. "Modesty isn't about hiding ourselves; it's about revealing our dignity." The dignity we have as image-bearers of God (Gen. 1:27).When girls think of the word “Modesty,” it is an automatic turnoff for most of them. It’s a word that has been associated with “old-fashioned,” “holy-holy” and, let’s be honest, “boring.” So let's introduce you to the word “discreet” This term has what is truly meant behind what being “modest” in today’s age means. Discreet means “secretive,” “mysterious,” “classy,” and even “elegant.” This so much more attractive to the men we really want to catch. Men who actually want to get married and raise godly homes. Isn't that what we want for ourselves? Women who seek attention usually get the wrong attention,
12. Submission makes you a doormat. Many people have the opinion that the Christian doctrine of submission is a way of oppressing women, intellectually terrorising them, etc . I can safely say it is not true. The reasons women are expected and instructed to adhere and develop certain traits is because of the special roles God gave women and the way women were created. Unfortunately many men and women do not understand this, so women resist submission.
13. The Proverbs 31 woman does not exist, so why try? She does. Note, however that she did not become that way in one day, or do all these things in one day. Count all the things that you do, such as work, take the kids to out, visit your parents, go to P.T.A. meetings, blah, blah, blah. Proverbs 31 woman was a busy lady, but so are the women of today. She honoured her husband and brought honour to him. Many of you will agree that the woman you are at the altar transforms and matures (if we allow her ) during the course of the marriage. You can become the Proverbs 31 woman.
2. Less is more. This is only true when it comes to accessories or makeup. The media and peer pressure make many women believe that the “Hot" girls get the best guys. Hence, show us as much of your back, boobs, lower waist, upper bum and legs as possible. This does a lot of harm to girls and women who don't have much confidence and further affects their self-esteem..
3. Good Sex will make him stay. No it will not. Men do not marry the women just because they have the best skills in the bedroom. If they did, there would be no prostitutes or pornstars.
4. Marriage will complete me. Sometimes, when we lack in completeness we often seek it in relationships, marriage, sex, or material things. Things that seem to improve acceptance. Never embark on a relationship just to fill in a void in your life.
5. Kids will make him stay. You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within. Kids are more likely to make a woman stay than a man. Don't EVER try to use a child to keep a man. and while you're at it, avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
6. If I marry a Godly man I will have the perfect marriage. I guess it depends on what you your definition of perfect is.You cannot ride on the coattails of anyone to get into heaven and no matter how Godly a man you still have to work to make the marriage a success. Secondly, you will not be able to identify a Godly man if you are not Godly yourself, you will think that because he is active in church and his prayers are the loudest, he will make a good and Godly husband and therefore your marriage will be blissful. Perhaps his prayers are the loudest because he knows there is so much work that needs to be done in his life.
7. My spiritual development is not as important as my husband's. Many women struggle with the fact that their husbands don’t pick up the gauntlet to be the spiritual head of the home as the Bible talks about. They think their spiritual maturity makes no difference as long as their husband are not standing up as the spiritual head. This is false, going under him and pushing him up… encouraging him and assuring him he can get to that place, makes you the help mate you are supposed to be. Wives must fast & pray for their husbands, as they have a very important role within the home. They must also convey a quiet & meek spirit , while showing respect to her husband.
8. I am valuable because I am beautiful. When some women spend a fortune on beauty product its because they feel that beauty makes them worthy of love and admiration. I can tell you for free that, God would not give us a worth that fades away so easily. Whenever God talks about giving someone worth, He talks about “clothing” them. If you think this refers to physical clothing alone please contact me personally. a girl, who is Godly, Loving, caring, with self esteem and who respects herself and knows the fact that She belongs to a single man and not to every other man is respected. As Proverbs 11:22 says ” Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion. ”
9. "Baby, you know I love you. How could you ever doubt my love for you and how much I care for you?" You want to know why so many women get their hearts broken by men? Among other reasons, because of their "addiction" to hearing these three words: "I love you." All womanizers know the quickest way to endear themselves to a woman is to tell her, "I care for you, baby ... I love you." Those three words are like a psychological aphrodisiac for most women.
You need to get out of this trap. If you keep falling victim to that trap and you will keep getting dogged out by men. Men who are sincerely in love with you do not tell you this right before trying or whilst trying to have sex. They will tell you they love you in a random manner "just because."
10. "Baby, of course I'm going to marry you someday. I know we've been dating for six years, but I am going to propose to you soon." I have known men to propose to a woman after dating them for five years. I will not go on record as saying that never, ever happens. That being said, the vast majority of men know within the first year of dating a woman if they are going to propose to that woman or not. He may postpone proposing to his woman because he doesn't feel stable in his career or because he's wondering if there might be another woman who would be a better match, but it shouldn't take five or more years to determine if you are "the one."
11. Modesty means boring. "Modesty isn't about hiding ourselves; it's about revealing our dignity." The dignity we have as image-bearers of God (Gen. 1:27).When girls think of the word “Modesty,” it is an automatic turnoff for most of them. It’s a word that has been associated with “old-fashioned,” “holy-holy” and, let’s be honest, “boring.” So let's introduce you to the word “discreet” This term has what is truly meant behind what being “modest” in today’s age means. Discreet means “secretive,” “mysterious,” “classy,” and even “elegant.” This so much more attractive to the men we really want to catch. Men who actually want to get married and raise godly homes. Isn't that what we want for ourselves? Women who seek attention usually get the wrong attention,
12. Submission makes you a doormat. Many people have the opinion that the Christian doctrine of submission is a way of oppressing women, intellectually terrorising them, etc . I can safely say it is not true. The reasons women are expected and instructed to adhere and develop certain traits is because of the special roles God gave women and the way women were created. Unfortunately many men and women do not understand this, so women resist submission.
13. The Proverbs 31 woman does not exist, so why try? She does. Note, however that she did not become that way in one day, or do all these things in one day. Count all the things that you do, such as work, take the kids to out, visit your parents, go to P.T.A. meetings, blah, blah, blah. Proverbs 31 woman was a busy lady, but so are the women of today. She honoured her husband and brought honour to him. Many of you will agree that the woman you are at the altar transforms and matures (if we allow her ) during the course of the marriage. You can become the Proverbs 31 woman.
Friday, October 9, 2015
You Chose Your Man! - IFIE NATASHA
I’m sick and tired of people telling me that I have a good man. Every time he smiles at me or serves me. Every time he opens my door or calls me sweetie the world around me erupts in cheer and accolades as if I’ve just won the golden ticket to the chocolate factory.
People are sure to remind me that I’m blessed and lucky to have such a good husband. He loves me, is easy-going, and respects me blah blah blah. Which is true. He’s amazing. But one thing that I just keep thinking is that every woman has the opportunity to have that. And please wait before you jump on me and slap the “there are no good men left” stigma in my face.
I meet women that complain about their men or compare theirs to mine and it’s increasingly frustrating. If anyone knows my story, they know that I am one of the LEAST deserving of a good man yet I have one. Because I chose to have one.
You can’t choose to settle for what’s in front of you simply because you really want to be wedded and then get upset that you don’t have a “good” man. My mom brags on my husband all the time, which I’m grateful for. But just like any other human, he has his flaws. Flaws that irritate the hell out of me sometimes. And I’m ok with those flaws. I can live with them. He doesn’t disrespect me or treat me any less than a queen. He helps with the baby and around the house when I need him to. He’s also insanely nonchalant about planning and leaves it to me to do 90% of the thinking for our household. He could stay inside and watch superhero movies all day and when he cooks, he leaves it all in the kitchen to soak….for days. And while these things drive me crazy, they are things I’m willing to live with because he’s 100% amazing; flaws and all.
You have the ability to choose what your deal breakers are. And if for some reason, you decided that everything is a deal breaker,than you choose to wait until that man comes that will fulfill all of the requirements on your list. On the other hand, if nothing is a deal breaker, than you have chosen to settle with a man who has no accountability or standards to reach. Then there are those of us that are in the middle, patiently waiting for a man who will meet our standards while also being willing to compromise. It’s often easy to waver in that place. It’s easy to decide to settle on the non negotiable’s just so that you won’t be alone anymore. However, choosing to settle is also choosing to accept a life with someone who may or may not leave you feeling miserable in a few months, or years.
One Sunday, X (short for Xavier,who is my husband) and I were preparing to leave for church. I was standing about 20 feet away from where we parked. X got in the car, backed out and backed up to where I was standing. A friend of ours made a comment about him being ahead of his time because had it been him, he would have just waited for me to walk to the car. In that moment I was proud to have a man who did a simple thing like drive to pick me up; even if it was just 20 ft.
In college, I had the epiphany that one of the reasons why men get the pass to cheat, be lazy, relinquish all responsibilities to women etc, is because we give them the “OK”. We say “well he’s a man, so he’s going to do….” While I was pregnant, a friend told me that my husband wouldn’t wake up with the baby because that was my job. The hell? Did he not make the baby with me? Matter fact, he’s the reason the baby was created. Why would it just be MY responsibility to take care of her?? People say I’m lucky because he helps me. No. I’m not lucky because he helps me. I chose a man that loves me and has a good heart. A man that wants to be involved with his family. A man that wants to be a good father and a good example to his family and children.
Sometimes us women have the habit of choosing men we think we want and then we compare. Or we get upset that our man isn’t doing xyz. You chose him! No matter the circumstance, you made a choice to be with him. Granted, I understand there are cultures where marriages are fixed, and circumstances where you choose to be with a man for various financial and security reasons. But (and this may sound harsh) you made a choice and you can’t blame others for it.
Most us of us have had the ability to choose the hardworking, caring man that has a God fearing love within him. But we don’t choose those guys. Hell, I almost didn’t choose mine. Sometimes they don’t come with the shiny new job. Or the “cool factor”. Sometimes they aren’t the bad boys. Sometimes they are the virgins. The ones we reject because we don’t like their style. The list can go on forever. Either way. We make choices. And those choices determine what life looks like.
So. Stop telling me I’m lucky to have a good man. I’m blessed that he found me and I’m glad that I chose him.
By: IFIE NATASHA
People are sure to remind me that I’m blessed and lucky to have such a good husband. He loves me, is easy-going, and respects me blah blah blah. Which is true. He’s amazing. But one thing that I just keep thinking is that every woman has the opportunity to have that. And please wait before you jump on me and slap the “there are no good men left” stigma in my face.
I meet women that complain about their men or compare theirs to mine and it’s increasingly frustrating. If anyone knows my story, they know that I am one of the LEAST deserving of a good man yet I have one. Because I chose to have one.
You can’t choose to settle for what’s in front of you simply because you really want to be wedded and then get upset that you don’t have a “good” man. My mom brags on my husband all the time, which I’m grateful for. But just like any other human, he has his flaws. Flaws that irritate the hell out of me sometimes. And I’m ok with those flaws. I can live with them. He doesn’t disrespect me or treat me any less than a queen. He helps with the baby and around the house when I need him to. He’s also insanely nonchalant about planning and leaves it to me to do 90% of the thinking for our household. He could stay inside and watch superhero movies all day and when he cooks, he leaves it all in the kitchen to soak….for days. And while these things drive me crazy, they are things I’m willing to live with because he’s 100% amazing; flaws and all.
You have the ability to choose what your deal breakers are. And if for some reason, you decided that everything is a deal breaker,than you choose to wait until that man comes that will fulfill all of the requirements on your list. On the other hand, if nothing is a deal breaker, than you have chosen to settle with a man who has no accountability or standards to reach. Then there are those of us that are in the middle, patiently waiting for a man who will meet our standards while also being willing to compromise. It’s often easy to waver in that place. It’s easy to decide to settle on the non negotiable’s just so that you won’t be alone anymore. However, choosing to settle is also choosing to accept a life with someone who may or may not leave you feeling miserable in a few months, or years.
One Sunday, X (short for Xavier,who is my husband) and I were preparing to leave for church. I was standing about 20 feet away from where we parked. X got in the car, backed out and backed up to where I was standing. A friend of ours made a comment about him being ahead of his time because had it been him, he would have just waited for me to walk to the car. In that moment I was proud to have a man who did a simple thing like drive to pick me up; even if it was just 20 ft.
In college, I had the epiphany that one of the reasons why men get the pass to cheat, be lazy, relinquish all responsibilities to women etc, is because we give them the “OK”. We say “well he’s a man, so he’s going to do….” While I was pregnant, a friend told me that my husband wouldn’t wake up with the baby because that was my job. The hell? Did he not make the baby with me? Matter fact, he’s the reason the baby was created. Why would it just be MY responsibility to take care of her?? People say I’m lucky because he helps me. No. I’m not lucky because he helps me. I chose a man that loves me and has a good heart. A man that wants to be involved with his family. A man that wants to be a good father and a good example to his family and children.
Sometimes us women have the habit of choosing men we think we want and then we compare. Or we get upset that our man isn’t doing xyz. You chose him! No matter the circumstance, you made a choice to be with him. Granted, I understand there are cultures where marriages are fixed, and circumstances where you choose to be with a man for various financial and security reasons. But (and this may sound harsh) you made a choice and you can’t blame others for it.
Most us of us have had the ability to choose the hardworking, caring man that has a God fearing love within him. But we don’t choose those guys. Hell, I almost didn’t choose mine. Sometimes they don’t come with the shiny new job. Or the “cool factor”. Sometimes they aren’t the bad boys. Sometimes they are the virgins. The ones we reject because we don’t like their style. The list can go on forever. Either way. We make choices. And those choices determine what life looks like.
So. Stop telling me I’m lucky to have a good man. I’m blessed that he found me and I’m glad that I chose him.
By: IFIE NATASHA
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)