4 Biblical Traits Of A Man Not Ready For Marriage - Jamal Miller

Being a Pastor, I meet all types of people. Some are career centered, some are women/man centered, and the rest are just trying to enjoy life to the fullest. Every person is different, but when it comes to marriage, its very easy to notice those that aren't ready for marriage. But if you don't look closely, you can be easily fooled. Here are 4 traits that can be overlooked, if not intentionally looked for, that reveal a person that isn't ready for marriage. 1. Double-Minded Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others. Proverbs 12:15 The bible states in the book of James, a double minded person is unstable in all their ways. A double minded man is unstable in his character and feelings which ultimately results in him not being able to make sound decisions. Good decision-making is a necessary trait needed by a man desiring marriage. As a husband, he will be responsible to lead, provide, and protect his family. When a person is double minded, he will lack the confidence to be secure in his ability to lead well. Today you will find those who cannot commit to one woman in a relationship, has a hard time keeping a job, or lacks motivation to complete tasks is struggling with double mindedness. If he doesn't obtain mentors, wise friends, or pastoral support, a man can easily isolate himself which inhibits him from dealing with this issue. 2. Sneaky The crooked heart will not prosper; the lying tongue tumbles into trouble. Proverbs 17:20 Honesty, trust, and transparency are pivotal ingredients for a healthy relationship. A person that lacks these will be sneaky, telling half truths and living alternate lives just to keep you from learning the real him. A person ready for marriage will desire to hold nothing back from you, for they will not be ashamed for you to learn the real him. A sneaky person may even try to turn the tables on you because he knows he can't be trusted, ultimately not trusting you. This requires an acknowledgment of the need for accountability on all levels to see this issue resolved. 3. Lazy 2 Thessalonians 3:6-10 states, "And now, dear brothers and sisters, we give you this command in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ: Stay away from all believers who live idle lives and do not follow the tradition they received from us. For you know that you ought to imitate us. We were not idle when we were with you. We never accepted food from anyone without paying for it. We worked hard day and night so we would not be a burden to any of you." The church at Thessalonica was a church full of young, new believers. Each epistle written by the Apostle Paul addressed each churches specific challenges and those issues needing to be focused on. We see him here addressing that issue of laziness. He encourages them to stay away from any believer that is not living according to the tradition they had set in place. That tradition was simply working hard. Those being called out were not just sitting at home doing nothing with their time, but later in the passage he addresses them meddling in others people business. In verse 11 Paul says, "Yet we hear that some of you are living idle lives, refusing to work and meddling in other people's business." This makes it clear that they were not living their life's on purpose, but wasting God's given time on selfish gain. A man that is lazy, is not ready to marry! 4. Angry My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. James 1:19 A person's ability to be patient in marriage will make or break key moments in the relationship. This was something I had to learn before I got married because I saw how easily frustrated I became when things didn't go my way. I had to ask God to help me in this area because I knew I would need to be able to control myself during high conflict moments with my wife. Now being married, I thank God he brought this to my attention before marriage. We have encountered times that my wife said out of her mouth, "Babe, thank you for being patient with me even when I knew you could have become frustrated". If a man cannot control his anger then marriage will be very challenging. I pray this article blessed you just as much as it has blessed the thousands of others! Blessings,  Jamal and Natasha Ps. Stay tuned for more free content that is set to help you prepare for your future unbreakable marriage, and also the one book that is helping singles around the World prepare themselves for when their season of marriage comes.

Give Her A Ring Or Move On! - J Scott Samarco

Give her a ring or move on. Bold huh? Not really. This is something I had to wrestle with. This is something I had to do. There is a Scripture in the Bible that says this: “When I was a child, I thought as a child but when I became a man I put away childish things.”

I became an unashamed born again Christian at the age of 17. Prior to the age of 17, I was a full blown child. In other words, when it came to relationships, I was no good. From the ages of 17 – 23 I was moving further along into a closer relationship with God. In result of this closer relationship, God was maturing me slowly. There was still so much for me to learn about myself, my relationship with God, and on how to let go of the baggage from my past. By the age of 23, I found myself feeling far away from who God wanted me to be.

Around the age of 25, my life, and my thought process about relationships began to shift. I am not sure if it was the fact I hit a quarter of a century, surrounded myself with wiser, mature Christian married men with healthy marriages or the Holy Spirit’s work in my life. I am sure it is a mixture of all of the above. I knew it was time to start intentionally praying about the direction God wanted me to go in with choosing His best for my life. I began to believe I was ready.

I’ll be honest with you: As a young, educated, single, decent looking Christian man, there were a lot of options for me to consider on who to pursue. Having options is not necessarily a great thing. I share this with all humility. Believe me. At least this is the way I looked at my life when I was considering pursuing marriage.

So there was this girl name Jasmine. Jasmine and I began to date back in 2007 at the University of Detroit. We had known each other since the 7th grade. (She always had a crush on me ; ) When I got to U of D in 07 to play basketball, she was there pursuing her education and cheerleading. I always knew there was something dierent about her so like any other man on the planet would do, I began to pursue her. After a couple of months of hanging out, getting to know each other, we got into a relationship. Did we move quick or what?

Jasmine and I were in a relationship for two years. We ended up breaking up in 2009. From 2009 – 2011 after our break up, we were messy. Hanging out, getting jealous of each other when we would talk to and meet new people, arguing, etc… Towards the end of 2011, actually around this time of the year she told me she was done with me and she was moving on. I’ve heard it from her before but this time it seemed to be serious. And she was. We stopped communicating. For 6 months we were disconnected. We didn’t say a single word to each other.

One day in April of 2012, I got a text message from her wanting to talk and hang out. At this time, I was thinking, “what the heck does she want? I am sure she is working her way towards engagement by now and she is about to tell me all about it.”

She insisted on getting together to talk. She had something she wanted to share with me. When we got together she shared she still had deep feelings for me and she didn’t know what to do. By this time I had spent the past 6 months of my life getting over the feelings I had for her so this conversation came as a shock to me.

After this conversation, Jasmine and I began to rebuild our friendship. We both had grew tremendously in our walk with God. From being away from each other, disconnected, we both allowed God to work on our hearts. (Thank God for that) And at this point in the story I had moved to Benton Harbor, MI to serve in the ministry (2 hours & 15 min away from Jasmine).

On December 31, 2012, Jasmine and I were at the church I serve at, Overow Church with about 40 –50 people for a New Year celebration. I had asked her to join me in the sanctuary to go pray. She had no idea, I was going to ask her to court me after the clock hit mid night. (Be on the look out for my blog: Courting verse Dating) As we went to the altar, I expressed my desire to court her. She said yes. We kneeled down and I prayed for our relationship.

There came a point in my life that God helped me realize. I cannot continue to call myself a man of God and continue to play with this woman’s heart anymore. I needed to let go of my childish ways.

4 months later I found myself asking her to be my rib. To commit our love to an everlasting covenant. To hold my hand in marriage. To become my ance. To take all of our aws, our baggage and move forward.

See proposal video below!

http://www.youtube.com/watch? v=yC3k9UgwgZ4

So often I see Christian men and women confused. Hurting each other, not willing to work out the diculties of life and move forward together. As a man of God, I am entitled to treat this woman (my wife) like the daughter of God she is created to be. It came to a point where God was impressing on my heart, “marry her or move on.” In other words, get out of the way or make a way.

I have to be honest with you. We come up with so many excuses, waste so much of each others time when we do not allow God to have control of our love and relationship. We need to constantly seek God, rst on our behalf and second on the behalf of the person we say we love.

If we don’t love ourselves, how are we going to wholeheartedly love another person?

So what is it going to be my brother? Are you going to get yourself right with God? Are you going to be honest about your struggles? Are you going to choose God’s best for your life or are you going to continue to waste you and her time? Sisters, don’t think you do not play a role in this story. I’ll save that perspective for another blog post.

My friends, it is time to be the man and woman God called us to be!

She got the ring and we’ve moved on!

P.S. What are your thoughts?

Sisters: Don’t allow a man to come between you and God. Do not allow a man to run over you. Don’t waste your time chasing someone that does not want to be with you. Embrace your singleness. Seek God. Depend on God. He will come through. Pray hard and work on yourself harder.

Men: We have to do better. God has called us to be leaders. To take care of our sister’s heart. To stop playing games. To know what we want. To be Christ centered, love focused, heart full of integrity with much diligence in our daily lives.

By: J Scott Samarco
(jscottsamarco.com)

13 Lies Women Often Believe - Ti-Sha Inspiration

1. The best way to get over one man is to get onto another. This goes out to all serial daters.You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing appealing about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. Fortify your relationship with God. Rebound relationship is toxic.

2. Less is more. This is only true when it comes to accessories or makeup. The media and peer pressure make many women believe that the “Hot" girls get the best guys. Hence, show us as much of your back, boobs, lower waist, upper bum and legs as possible. This does a lot of harm to girls and women who don't have much confidence and further affects their self-esteem..

3. Good Sex will make him stay. No it will not. Men do not marry the women just because they have the best skills in the bedroom. If they did, there would be no prostitutes or pornstars.

4. Marriage will complete me. Sometimes, when we lack in completeness we often seek it in relationships, marriage, sex, or material things. Things that seem to improve acceptance. Never embark on a relationship just to fill in a void in your life.

5. Kids will make him stay. You cannot change a man's behaviour. Change comes from within. Kids are more likely to make a woman stay than a man. Don't EVER try to use a child to keep a man. and while you're at it, avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.

6. If I marry a Godly man I will have the perfect marriage. I guess it depends on what you your definition of perfect is.You cannot ride on the coattails of anyone to get into heaven and no matter how Godly a man you still have to work to make the marriage a success. Secondly, you will not be able to identify a Godly man if you are not Godly yourself, you will think that because he is active in church and his prayers are the loudest, he will make a good and Godly husband and therefore your marriage will be blissful. Perhaps his prayers are the loudest because he knows there is so much work that needs to be done in his life.

7. My spiritual development is not as important as my husband's. Many women struggle with the fact that their husbands don’t pick up the gauntlet to be the spiritual head of the home as the Bible talks about. They think their spiritual maturity makes no difference as long as their husband are not standing up as the spiritual head. This is false, going under him and pushing him up… encouraging him and assuring him he can get to that place, makes you the help mate you are supposed to be. Wives must fast & pray for their husbands, as they have a very important role within the home. They must also convey a quiet & meek spirit , while showing respect to her husband.

8. I am valuable because I am beautiful. When some women spend a fortune on beauty product its because they feel that beauty makes them worthy of love and admiration. I can tell you for free that, God would not give us a worth that fades away so easily. Whenever God talks about giving someone worth, He talks about “clothing” them. If you think this refers to physical clothing alone please contact me personally. a girl, who is Godly, Loving, caring, with self esteem and who respects herself and knows the fact that She belongs to a single man and not to every other man is respected. As Proverbs 11:22 says ” Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman who shows no discretion. ”

9. "Baby, you know I love you. How could you ever doubt my love for you and how much I care for you?" You want to know why so many women get their hearts broken by men? Among other reasons, because of their "addiction" to hearing these three words: "I love you." All womanizers know the quickest way to endear themselves to a woman is to tell her, "I care for you, baby ... I love you." Those three words are like a psychological aphrodisiac for most women.

You need to get out of this trap. If you keep falling victim to that trap and you will keep getting dogged out by men. Men who are sincerely in love with you do not tell you this right before trying or whilst trying to have sex. They will tell you they love you in a random manner "just because."

10. "Baby, of course I'm going to marry you someday. I know we've been dating for six years, but I am going to propose to you soon." I have known men to propose to a woman after dating them for five years. I will not go on record as saying that never, ever happens. That being said, the vast majority of men know within the first year of dating a woman if they are going to propose to that woman or not. He may postpone proposing to his woman because he doesn't feel stable in his career or because he's wondering if there might be another woman who would be a better match, but it shouldn't take five or more years to determine if you are "the one."

11. Modesty means boring. "Modesty isn't about hiding ourselves; it's about revealing our dignity." The dignity we have as image-bearers of God (Gen. 1:27).When girls think of the word “Modesty,” it is an automatic turnoff for most of them. It’s a word that has been associated with “old-fashioned,” “holy-holy” and, let’s be honest, “boring.” So let's introduce you to the word “discreet” This term has what is truly meant behind what being “modest” in today’s age means. Discreet means “secretive,” “mysterious,” “classy,” and even “elegant.” This so much more attractive to the men we really want to catch. Men who actually want to get married and raise godly homes. Isn't that what we want for ourselves? Women who seek attention usually get the wrong attention,

12. Submission makes you a doormat. Many people have the opinion that the Christian doctrine of submission is a way of oppressing women, intellectually terrorising them, etc . I can safely say it is not true. The reasons women are expected and instructed to adhere and develop certain traits is because of the special roles God gave women and the way women were created. Unfortunately many men and women do not understand this, so women resist submission.

13. The Proverbs 31 woman does not exist, so why try? She does. Note, however that she did not become that way in one day, or do all these things in one day. Count all the things that you do, such as work, take the kids to out, visit your parents, go to P.T.A. meetings, blah, blah, blah. Proverbs 31 woman was a busy lady, but so are the women of today. She honoured her husband and brought honour to him. Many of you will agree that the woman you are at the altar transforms and matures (if we allow her ) during the course of the marriage. You can become the Proverbs 31 woman.

You Chose Your Man! - IFIE NATASHA

I’m sick and tired of people telling me that I have a good man. Every time he smiles at me or serves me. Every time he opens my door or calls me sweetie the world around me erupts in cheer and accolades as if I’ve just won the golden ticket to the chocolate factory.

People are sure to remind me that I’m blessed and lucky to have such a good husband. He loves me, is easy-going, and respects me blah blah blah. Which is true. He’s amazing. But one thing that I just keep thinking is that every woman has the opportunity to have that. And please wait before you jump on me and slap the “there are no good men left” stigma in my face.
I meet women that complain about their men or compare theirs to mine and it’s increasingly frustrating. If anyone knows my story, they know that I am one of the LEAST deserving of a good man yet I have one. Because I chose to have one.

You can’t choose to settle for what’s in front of you simply because you really want to be wedded and then get upset that you don’t have a “good” man. My mom brags on my husband all the time, which I’m grateful for. But just like any other human, he has his flaws. Flaws that irritate the hell out of me sometimes. And I’m ok with those flaws. I can live with them. He doesn’t disrespect me or treat me any less than a queen. He helps with the baby and around the house when I need him to. He’s also insanely nonchalant about planning and leaves it to me to do 90% of the thinking for our household. He could stay inside and watch superhero movies all day and when he cooks, he leaves it all in the kitchen to soak….for days. And while these things drive me crazy, they are things I’m willing to live with because he’s 100% amazing; flaws and all.

You have the ability to choose what your deal breakers are. And if for some reason, you decided that everything is a deal breaker,than you choose to wait until that man comes that will fulfill all of the requirements on your list. On the other hand, if nothing is a deal breaker, than you have chosen to settle with a man who has no accountability or standards to reach. Then there are those of us that are in the middle, patiently waiting for a man who will meet our standards while also being willing to compromise. It’s often easy to waver in that place. It’s easy to decide to settle on the non negotiable’s just so that you won’t be alone anymore. However, choosing to settle is also choosing to accept a life with someone who may or may not leave you feeling miserable in a few months, or years.

One Sunday, X (short for Xavier,who is my husband) and I were preparing to leave for church. I was standing about 20 feet away from where we parked. X got in the car, backed out and backed up to where I was standing. A friend of ours made a comment about him being ahead of his time because had it been him, he would have just waited for me to walk to the car. In that moment I was proud to have a man who did a simple thing like drive to pick me up; even if it was just 20 ft.

In college, I had the epiphany that one of the reasons why men get the pass to cheat, be lazy, relinquish all responsibilities to women etc, is because we give them the “OK”. We say “well he’s a man, so he’s going to do….” While I was pregnant, a friend told me that my husband wouldn’t wake up with the baby because that was my job. The hell? Did he not make the baby with me? Matter fact, he’s the reason the baby was created. Why would it just be MY responsibility to take care of her?? People say I’m lucky because he helps me. No. I’m not lucky because he helps me. I chose a man that loves me and has a good heart. A man that wants to be involved with his family. A man that wants to be a good father and a good example to his family and children.

Sometimes us women have the habit of choosing men we think we want and then we compare. Or we get upset that our man isn’t doing xyz. You chose him! No matter the circumstance, you made a choice to be with him. Granted, I understand there are cultures where marriages are fixed, and circumstances where you choose to be with a man for various financial and security reasons. But (and this may sound harsh) you made a choice and you can’t blame others for it.
Most us of us have had the ability to choose the hardworking, caring man that has a God fearing love within him. But we don’t choose those guys. Hell, I almost didn’t choose mine. Sometimes they don’t come with the shiny new job. Or the “cool factor”. Sometimes they aren’t the bad boys. Sometimes they are the virgins. The ones we reject because we don’t like their style. The list can go on forever. Either way. We make choices. And those choices determine what life looks like.

So. Stop telling me I’m lucky to have a good man. I’m blessed that he found me and I’m glad that I chose him.

By: IFIE NATASHA

The Love Of Shechem For Dinah – Something To Learn From!

WILL YOU GO THROUGH THE PAIN OF 'CIRCUMCISION' JUST FOR THE ONE YOU [CLAIM TO] LOVE?

"But in this will we consent unto you: If ye will be as we be, that every male of you be circumcised; Then will we give our daughters unto you, and we will take your daughters to us, and we will dwell with you, and we will become one people. But if ye will not hearken unto us, to be circumcised; then will we take our daughter, and we will be gone. And their words pleased Hamor, and Shechem Hamor's son. AND THE YOUNG MAN DEFERRED NOT TO DO THE THING, BECAUSE HE HAD DELIGHT IN JACOB'S DAUGHTER: and he was more honourable than all the house of his father. " – Genesis 34:15-19

• Shechem, a whole prince known to be the most honorable in his family & probably the palace, was ready to go through the excruciating pain of circumcision just to have the woman he loved, Dinah. The process of circumcision is known to be more painful when you are all grown up than when you are a child - so, just imagine (??). First, he had defiled her; call it lust! Though he was considered the most honorable, but defiling Dinah was also considered sheer folly (Vs 7); so untypical of a so called honorable man!

-          LESSON ONE: Lust can cause an honorable person to wrought folly! Watch the rising of lust in you before you do anything 'foolish'! – anything that will degrade your honor/dignity; anything you might regret later! Like fornication! Like adultery! Uh huh!

God gave JESUS such honor and dignity because He loved and walked in righteousness; not the lust of the flesh (Hebrews 1:9; Philippians 2:8-11; Jn 12:26; Rom 2:10)

• Shechem’s defilement can be called lust, but then the Bible says his soul cleaved to her afterwards; he loved her and he spoke kindly to her (Vs 3)…

-           LESSON TWO: If you love someone, if truly your soul is cleaved to that person, you can’t help but allow ‘kind words’ to proceed out of your mouth to that person. How can you brag to yourself about loving someone when your mouth lavishes painful, hurting, mean, rough, harsh, insulting, demeaning, cursing, fatal…words upon such a person? Where are the kind words that nourish, empower, repair, make happy and feel loved, cherished and respected?! SELAH!

JESUS sanctifies and cleanses His bride (the church) by the washing of His Word (Ephesians 5:26)

• Shechem was ready to do or give anything, even pay excessive dowry, in exchange for the woman he was in love with (Vs 12).

-          LESSON THREE: If you truly yearn in love for somebody, you will give, pay or do anything to be with the person. Calling him/her every minute will be a pleasure and not a pain. Travelling long distance to be with him/her will not be a bother to you. Whatever is the blockage or hinderance to being together, you'll do anything to take it away! You will just pay any price to have him/her. Because of His singular love, Jesus paid for us the price of our redemption just to have us be with Him eternally! Although I must as well say this. Money and material things, even in their excess, really aren’t the most important accepted token of our love. Yes, love is giving, but giving has the most prior – giving of your time, affection, listening ears…etc; giving your whole self counts more! Sacrificing!

JESUS gave HIMSELF! All of Him! His life! As a token of His love for us (Ephesians 5:25).

• The sore pain of circumcision was pricey than perhaps the most priced gifts or dowry. It took days to heal; it made the valiant man weak (Vs 25)! What is so expensive to a man than his valor?! What is so egoistic to a man than his physical power and strength?

True love is ready to let go of the most prideful, expensive possession just to let the relationship work!

Nevertheless, worst of all, let’s just say Shechem was ready to go through that pain of circumcision because what he had for Dinah was lust, then it becomes something of concern when you claim to have true love for your partner and yet you are not ready to go through the ‘pain’ for that special one. If lust is ready to suffer to have that special one, ready to sacrifice the pleasure of no pain for the torment of pain, how much more must true love do?

-          LESSON FOUR: There is always a bit of pain to suffer, a 'circumcision' to go through, when you truly love; some 'possessions' you'd have to lose or consciously give up for the love for your partner and for the sake of the relationship! You must be ready and determined to go through that ‘pain’ if you want to have the one you love, or continue to be with him/her or to see your relationship flourish!

Circumcision in the New Testament is not of the physical but of the heart, the spirit (Romans 2:29) – allowing the Lord to cut off anything of the flesh (Colossians 2:11); anything in our hearts that causes us to sin against God, ‘harm’ another person or corrupt us.

Whatever thing is part of us – a character or trait, behavior, habit, attitude, likes or dislikes, etc – that is and has been detrimental to the success of your relationships needs be ‘circumcised’!

Letting go of the ego, the self pride/selfishness, the ‘I’ factor, the status quo…can be so painful. Letting God chisel away the excess flesh of anger or quick-temperedness, the impatience, addictions, laziness, nagging, bitterness, unsentimental trait or dispassion, sheer impassiveness, manipulation and controlling, offense/grudge/unforgiving attitude…even the lust – anything that will diminish the grace and presence of the Lord in your relationship – is sometimes so painful! Yet, taking the pain that ‘weakens’ your ego/pride/selfishness, your carnality, just for your loved one is worth it and what proves your love even more…. Do you brag about truly loving that woman or man? Then do you have any suffering of pain to equally brag about? SELAH! 

JESUS, the only One who has ever truly loved, left His throne above, took the humblest form of a servant, went through the most painful pain just to prove His love for you and me; just to have us by His side! Just for us to be with the Father as He delights!

• Shechem alleged his love for Dinah, but then his act of disproved love, or should I say his disproved act of alleged love – defilement – made someone (in fact, some people) come after him! Someone was looking out for Dinah! Someone was her defense! Someone got hurt that she was abused of love…and Shechem had to pay! Someone who loved her took it personal! Simeon and Levi, two of her brothers came after Shechem, and in fact the whole men in the country, and slew them! (Vs 25) Dinah was the child of Jacob, and no one dared defile Jacob’s child and wrought such folly! To the two brothers, such a person deserved to be punished!

-          LESSON FIVE: Don’t expect to abuse a child of God in a relationship and go scot free! God is looking out for His children in their approved relationship! Anything you do to His child in the relationship, He takes it personal! He is the witness in the covenant of your marriage (Malachi 2:14) and He will come after you if you ‘breach’!

Thank God He is full of mercy and grace, unlike Simeon and Levi with no mercy and forgiveness. Although God is merciful, He will forgive you if you repent, but His Spirit will come after you when you ‘defile’ His child through your words, actions and inactions! Even your prayers will be hindered! (1Peter 3:7)

You cannot disregard, disrespect, dishonor, and disobey the Lord JESUS (being our Bridegroom) and yet expect to have favor with God! (Mark 9:37; 12:6-9)

• Before Shechem would be given Dinah, he had to be circumcised; to be like her people who were circumcised. They were God's people and they were circumcised! and they would have nothing to do with any person who wasn't circumcised as far as relationship was concerned.

-          LESSON SIX: God does not cast His pearls before swine! (Matthew 7:6) God's 'pearl' is the one who has gone through His process of refinement to be Christ-natured; 'Who can find a virtuous woman (man)? (Prov 31:10)' 'A prudent wife (husband) is from the Lord (Prov 19:14)'. God's pearl, His virtuous and prudent child is His (New Testament) 'circumcised' child! For God to give you His pearl, his prudent child; to be the one to find a virtuous mate, you must be God's 'circumcised' child!

ULTIMATUM: Prove your love by being ‘circumcised’! Saying, 'God put me together to be a great husband/wife & to have the best marriage' is a right attitude. Taking the step to see God help you through that is a step in the right direction! IN ALL, JESUS IS THE BIGGEST GREATEST EXAMPLE…LET US LEARN OF HIM! HE IS OUR ONLY HELP, LET US SOLICIT FROM HIM… Selah!

(Credit: Reindorf Mantey

General Overseer: Crusaders Ministries Int.

- www.crusaders.biz;  www.oracletvnetwork.com;  www.spiritpreneur.org)

"The Vow" - By LOWLA DEE

“I, Sarah Adams take Lawson Kuti as my lawful wedded husband, to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, till death do us part” she smiled at him through her veil.

“You may now kiss your bride Mr. Lawson” The Pastor beckoned.
Lawson’s heart raced as he gently unveiled his bride’s face. She looked so beautiful. He gently bent over and placed a soft kiss on her lip. Sarah in turn embraced him tightly with tears of joy streaming down her face.
“Never leave me Sarah” He whispered in her ear.
“I will never leave you” she whispered and they slowly released themselves from the embrace.
“I present to you the latest couple!” The Pastor exclaimed excitedly
The church cheered and Sarah cried more in her husband’s arms

5 years Later

Sarah silently tip toed behind her husband. He was in his study, engrossed in reading. She smiled to herself and gently covered his eyes with both hands.
“It’s just you and I in this house Sara, plus, I smelled you the moment you walked in” He dropped
Sara released her hold, sighed and sat on the study table, “Why do you figure me out so easily? I can’t even surprise you! That sucks” she curled her arms around his neck
“You are my wife, nothing you do is supposed to surprise me” He playfully pecked her nose.
“But you’ve been in the study all day and I’m bored!” She rolled her eyes
“So what kind of fun do you suggest we have then?” He swooped her off the table in his arms
“No! no that kind of fun!” She hit him playfully till he put her down
“Ok”, He folded his arms on his chest, looking into her eyes, “So what do you want us to do?”
“Not us. Actually, all I want is to play with your play station and you’ve hidden it again! Just give it and you can continue your reading. pleaaaseee” She blinked her eyes playfully
“No way”, He went back toward his study chair and sat, “Not my play station”
“Why! You never let me touch it…like its your baby” She sulked
“Well”, he rolled his eyes, “Not like you’ve given me a baby yet”
Sara paused for a moment. Did he just say that to her? The words struck her deep down
“You shouldn’t have said that Lawson…” She managed to say, her countenance changing.
“But it’s true…I’m only saying the truth Sara” He turned to face her, still sitting on the chair.
“The truth? You think I don’t want us to have kids?”
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that…” He stood to face her now.
“Then what are you saying Lawson? Tell me, what is the truth?”
“Let’s not do this today…please. You can have the play station and play all you want. It’s in my footwear locker and the key is in my Bible”
“You always do this…hurting me with your words” Her voice began to shake
“Don’t start Sara please”
“Tell me why you said those words to me! I want to know!”
“Because I’m tired! I want to be a father! I want to have my own kids Sara…”
” and you think I don’t?!” Sara flared, trying not to let the tears pour
“Then why can’t you get pregnant Sara? This is the fifth year we are trying.” He clenched his teeth and walked out of the study.
Sara was in shock. She sat on the chair for some seconds, stood up again and sat on the chair again…this time she held on to her blouse and burst into tears.

2weeks after

“Lawson, wake up please” Sara tapped him
Lawson gently opened his eyes and looked at the alarm clock by his bedside, “It’s 2:00am Sara…”
“It’s urgent”
“I’m listening” He said drowsily
“Mother says we should come for tests. She says she’s spoken to her doctor and he said we should come.”
“What?” Lawson opened his eyes now, “Your mother is the UK for Christs sakes”
“Let’s just do it. We can go for the weekend, lets just give it a shot, please.”
“No. That would be rather expensive and…”
“It’s my birthday today and the only thing I want from you is this trip”
Lawson fell quiet now. For the past two years now, his wife’s birthday skips his mind…totally.
“I’m…I’m sorry Sara…It skipped my mind…”
“It always does” She lay down back on the bed, backing him.
Lawson wrapped his arms around her waist, “I said I’m sorry…”
No response.
Lawson sighed, “Fine, we go this weekend”
“Really?” She turned sharply, excited
“If it will make you happy today”
“Thank you baby” She hugged him.

A week after

Sara jerked at the vibration of the phone in her pocket.
“Hi mom!” she pressed the phone to her ear with her shoulders, wiping the washed dishes with her hands.
“Honey…”
“What is it mom?” she pressed it harder
“The result…the result of the tests…” her mother cried
Sarah gently dropped the plate and the wiper, heart racing…”Just say it mom…”

That night

“I can never have children Lawson…” Sara cried
Lawson felt his world crash right in front of him, “W…what?”
“Mama called today…she’s gotten the tests results”
“Jesus Christ” Lawson stood, placing his palm on his head, “b…but you told me you were ok before we got married, you told me the doctor said your abortion didn’t damage your womb”
“Don’t bring my past into this!” Sara flared
Lawson laughed and got serious almost immediately, “You are crazy. I married a crazy woman!”
Sara looked at him in shock, like he’d lost his mind.
“The results say you can never have children and we both know that this has to do with the abortion you had before we met!”, he flared, “are you happy?…you know we’re screwed right? No kids? what re we going to tell the world?”
“Lawson we can adopt…” Sara cried
“Adopt? Wow!”, he laughed again, “I married a funny woman too!” He got serious again, “Its still not our baby! The damn baby is not my flesh and blood! You are full of deceit Sara” He looked into her eyes. Sara could see him fighting his tears.
“Lawson stop…you are hurting me…” Sara fell on her knees crying
“You want to know what I’m thinking?” Lawson looked at her with disgust, “I’m thinking how on earth I’m going to stand seeing your deceitful face for the rest of my life”
Sara cried harder, “Don’ t give up Lawson…So far I have a womb…I can still carry our baby…”
“I am not giving up on having my baby, I’m giving up on you” Lawson turned around to leave
“Lawson!” She held his feet, “I’m hurting too…”
He only dragged his feet from her hold and drove out of the house. She wept.

A month Later

“Mother, he’s not even talking to me. All of a sudden we are both strangers…He doesn’t eat my food, comes home late…he hates me so much and its killing me. I’m confused…to think that it’s me truly hurting…”
“For how long will you hide this truth from him. You’ve got to let him know…you can’t carry his…”
There was the sound of a car horn
“Mom I’ve got to go…he’s back”
“Baby, you’ve got to let him know. It can work when you two are one in mind”
“Bye mom” she ended the call.
Lawson came into the house, about to walk past her.
“Lawson” She held him
“I’m tired” He didn’t want to look at her face
“I know…can we talk for some minutes?” She tried to help him remove his suit
“Look what is it?” He jerked from her
“Do you hate me this much? you can’t even look me in the eye? you can’t even stand my sight? Lawson…it’s me Sara…your best friend…” Her eyes grew moist
“I’m in no mood for this” He turned around to walk away
“Don’t you dare leave when I’m talking to you!” She dragged him by the suit. Just then, some papers fell to the floor. Sara quickly bent to pick them up…her hands shook and her body became numb all over.
“D…divorce papers? Lawson?” She searched his eyes
“Answer me goddammit!” She held him by the collar of his shirt, crying
“They are for you to sign. I want out” Lawson dropped
“Y…you what?” she slowly freed him from her hold
“It’s not going to work Sara, can’t you see?”
“Lawson I can’t believe you would think of a divorce and even go this far…why are you so wicked!” she cried, angry
“No! Why are you so wicked!” He retorted, flaring
“Think about me for once. I am a man for Christs sakes. My children are my pride! and you are about to deny me that for the rest of my life because of your stupid mistake!”
“What about me! have you stopped for once to think about what I’m going through”
“Its your cross, carry it” Lawson fixed his angry eyes on his wife
“No, its now our cross and I am not signing those divorce papers! We vowed never to leave each other!”
“Isn’t it better Sara, that you save yourself more hurt and sign these papers than to see another woman move into this house before your very eyes?” he said with a tone of sarcasm
Sara’s heart thumped, “What?”
“You heard me…another woman who can help raise a family, so save yourself the stress and sign the damn papers. I need it tomorrow”He turned around to leave again
“She still can’t carry your baby” Sara dropped
“Not all women had abortions. Not every woman was like you.” He scorned
“You are the one who can’t give me a child!” Sara let out, crying.
Lawson stopped now, turned around and walked towards her, “Whatever your plan is won’t  work”
“I told you I could never have a child because its you who can’t make me pregnant”
“Shut up! shut up Sara! what the hell are you saying!” He shook her shoulders violently
“You are infertile Lawson…the doctor says you have primary infertility…”  Sara burst into tears
Lawson gasped, loosing his balance.
“Mother called me to give me the news. I was shattered, I felt like my world was over but more importantly I thought of you. I thought of what the news could do to you, I thought of the best way to tell you… never for once did i think of leaving you. I bore your insults, your scorn, because of my past. It was so easy to judge me and think of yourself. I am the one who is hurting, I am the one who should bring some miserable divorce papers…but I thought of you…I thought of hope, faith and a miracle…I thought of my vow to you on that altar. In sickness  and in health remember?”, she smiled through her tears, “all of a sudden you are as weak as a baby…looking in your eyes, I can see you suddenly have lost all your guards, You are so wicked”
“Sara…” Lawson fell on his knees, torn.
“No!” She quickly fell on her knees too, “No Lawson…” She couldn’t bear to see him cry
“I’m…I’m infertile”, he cried, “What is left of me?” he searched his wife’s eyes
“Lawson please…” she held his face, “I understand…it has been so hard for me…I have put myself in your shoes since the first day…”
“You don’t deserve this…you deserve better…I can’t believe I scorned you all along…please let me leave you”
“No” she shook her head, “You are my husband. I won’t leave you. I won’t let you leave me…I believe in miracles”
“I’m doomed…Sara I’m doomed…”He allowed his wife take him in her arms and on her shoulder he wept like a child.

In the Morning

Sara gently opened her eyes, looking beside her bed…it was empty. She quickly sat up on seeing a note gently placed on the bed. Hands shaking, she opened the letter to read.
Sara,
I cannot bear the shame. I have treated you so unfairly, yet you love me still, you are with me even in this condition of mine. To think that you knew all along and you never for once gave me a clue that it is my fault we are in this mess, makes me so unworthy of you. I love you enough to let you build another life with a man who can make you happier. I’m torn Sara and all I ask is your forgiveness. I have always loved you and if you truly love me then please start your life over again…without me…I am truly sorry for disappointing you.
                                                                                                                                                Lawson.
Sara couldn’t control the tears. She couldn’t think straight anymore. She picked her cell phone, shaking…
“Hi Mr. Lawson’s office please”
“HI Lola…” she cried, “have you seen my husband today?”
“No…no ma’am, we’ve been expecting him at work. He has a presentation is fifteen minutes”
“Oh God…God…” Sara dipped her hand in her full hair
“Everything ok ma’am?”
“Thank you” she ended the call.
She quickly got down from the bed and in her pajamas she ran into her car. She dialed his number repeatedly as she drove…no answer.

At 2:00pm

She sped into Fred’s compound, a close friend to her husband.
“Fred!” she banged the door hastily till the door flung open
“My God Sara what’s wrong?” Fred held her
“It’s…its Lawson…have you seen him? is he here?”
“No…Haven’t heard from him in a week”
“Oh God” she held her hair
“What’s wrong?”
But she was already walking away into her car.
“Sara!” He called after her.
She zoomed away.

4:30pm

“Mom, Dad, I can’t find Lawson…I can’t find your son…” she cried as she paced in front of the two who looked lost
“You have to calm down and tell us what happened” Lawson’s mother put her arms around Sara.
Sara burst into tears, “Please Dad could you try his number, maybe he’d pick your call?”
“Have you been to his office?” He picked his cellphone and dialed his son’s number
“I have been everywhere I know him to be likely available”
“It’s ok…calm down please” Lawson’s mother pet her
“He’s not picking. What exactly went wrong between you two?” Lawson’s father searched Sara’s eyes

9:00pm

Sara was still in her pajamas and on her way back home, exhausted and stuck in the traffic. She had told Lawson’s parents everything. The poor couple was so shattered and also begging her to begin a new life. Sara buried her head on the steering, crying. she hadn’t realized the green light.
“Hey get off the freaking road!” a driver cursed from behind her
“God please don’t let him harm himself…keep him safe and lead me to him…please God…” she quickly started the car and began to move.
Suddenly she remembered the church where they wedded and took their vows. It was two hours from here; she made a u-turn and headed for the church hoping to find some peace.

******************************************************

She tiredly got down from the car, drenched and exhausted. She trudged into the open entrance of the church. She paused for a moment; shocked…it was Lawson sitting at the front row of the empty church, facing the altar.
“Lawson!” She began to run towards him, happy, relieved that he was ok.
“Sara?” He quickly stood as she approached him, “Sara…”
They both ran into each other’s arms. He hugged her so tightly
“I looked for you everywhere….this was the last place I thought you’d ever be…I just came and I saw you…Lawson….I’m so happy you are ok” she touched his face
“I didn’t know where else to go…It just feels like I cant face the world anymore…” he slowly released her from his embrace.
“Take my hand” Sara stretched out her hand, “C’mon, just take it”
Lawson gently clasped his hand into hers and she took him to the altar and stood to face him. She searched his eyes so deeply and hadn’t seen him so weak and helpless.
“Five years ago Lawson, we both stood on this altar. Remember our vows? Remember you whispered in my ear never to leave you. I told you I wouldn’t…that’s why I’m here. I am your wife Lawson, I am meant to be with you forever, through the bad and good times. We’ve had good times, why would I leave you now? All I want from you is to believe that you can still give me a child despite what the result said…I want you to believe in a miracle”, she held his face, “remember when you told me I was a miracle in your life?…our children will be our miracles too. Trust God with me because I know it won’t be long…”
“Who are you Sara…” Lawson was weak with her words
“The one who vowed to be with you till the end” she smiled through her thin tears
“God I love you so much” He hugged her again
“So will you come back home with me?” Sara searched his eyes
“I have no other place to call home” He placed a soft kiss on her lips.

2 years after

Lawson and Sara were on the sofa watching a late night movie. Sara was resting on his shoulders when she felt the movement
“Lawson Lawson, it moved again…don’t miss it this time touch touch” she gently placed his palm on the side of the stomach. Both felt the movement of their child
“I can feel him…I can feel him” Lawson placed his head on her belly
“I can feel him growing each day inside of me…”
“What do you think its saying now by this movement?”
“Thank you dada for believing in me” she laughed. They both laughed
“The movement has stopped” he slowly removed his head from her stomach, “I think he’s sleeping”
Sara rested on his shoulders again, “In six months you’d be a father, “You finally got your miracle”
Lawson tilted his wife’s face to him, looking into her eyes, “Sara…you were the miracle I needed. Thank you for not leaving me.”
Sara tickled his nose with hers, “I love you too. Always will”, she smiled, “We missed a whole lot on our movie”
“Movie can wait, but this can’t” He gently planted a kiss on her belly.

Hi Friends,
First, we forget our vows so easily, so quickly that once our marriages start hitting the rocks, we fail to realize that there is power in union. When there is union, every mountain can be subdued. The problem is people don’t yet understand the concept of marriage and trust me, until you do, please don’t go to the alter because what you don’t understand will eventually become a burden and confuse you. The concept of marriage is ‘for better, for worse’. The ‘worse’ moments always come. I am not saying expect bad things but I’m saying that challenges come in marriage to make you stronger in oneness so don’t use it against yourselves.
Second, miracles are real and I hope we all learn to have the patience to have our miracles in the end. Remember that marriage is a ‘stick and stay’ relationship not a ‘hit and run’ thing.
Remember your vows each day, enjoy your marriage, you deserve it!
Rock on!
Lowla Dee.
(http://www.lowladee.com)

Single & Searching: Be Still And Know That He Is God - A Complete Love Story

This is a complete love story of Shin Yee....

She shares this "to encourage people. I decided to post up on my blog so people can read or show people and be encouraged that God cares about this thing called B.G.R. = Boy Girl Relationship. Not just any other BGR. YOUR SPECIAL one and only COLLECTION OF BGR THAT GOD YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER WANTS TO UNIQUELY CRAFT AND WRITE IT FOR YOU. Will you allow Him to?"

"BGR - Boy Girl Relationship - is my all time favourite topic. Something close and dear to my heart. I believe many of us long and desire to have someone special in our lives, so did I. I remember myself as someone who was quite ‘desperate’ after guys. When I was in high school, it was so normal for people to have boyfriends after boyfriends…. However, I never knew what it was like to have a boyfriend. I assumed that because back then I was ugly and fat, no one will desire to be with someone like me.

After I accepted Christ, I began to question God, "Why don’t I have a boyfriend? Most of my friends have someone special in their lives, what about me God??”

However, somehow, God never answered. Years past and I began to think "Hm...maybe God wants me to have the gift of celibacy, singlehood, to serve God and love God only!!” I ran to my mum and asked her “Do you think God has given me the gift of celibacy?”, she laughed and asked me to go and pray about it.

I remember I was spending my quiet time with God and was reading this verse in Habakkuk 2:3 “But these things I plan won’t happen right away, slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to past. Just be patient, they will not be overdue a single day!”

"Ok", I told God, "I will surrender my desire to you and If it is your will that I have someone special in my life, You will confirm with this verse".

Few months past, and one day, as I was spending time with God, my devotional guide taught me about that verse in Habakkuk. Little did I know that in the afternoon, my mentor will come and teach me about that same verse. Moreover, I was hearing a sermon my mum bought in her lady conference and it preached about that same verse. Not only that, but my monthly Christian girl’s magazine (brio mag) decided to arrive that day with a poster with that verse (I still have that poster in my room)…. I really freaked out, because God showed me that verse 4 times in a day!

I ran to my mum and told her the incident and she laughed again and said "God wants you to have that special someone ~ just trust God".

I thanked God for showing me that I was going to have that special someone and I decided to wait on God. I read a lot of books on BGR and one of them was “I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris. In that book, Joshua pledged 5 years for God, and as a young silly girl, I decided to follow Joshua’s footstep and pledged my 5 years to God. I signed a contract with God and told Him "I am giving You this 5 years!!!"

God is a very cute God that took my vow for real....

During this 5 years, it was not easy. I had 5 good friends and all of them had boyfriends. It was not easy to be among them because what they chatted about was their boyfriends and what I could boast of was my God.

One year went by, two years, and I started to realize that kind of "SHIN YEE~~~, er…..do you know that you are getting older??? To pledge for 5 years is silly!! Why not just 3 years?" Then I negotiated with God if I could pledge for 3 years. God never answered because I think God has a good memory; He remembered that contract I signed for 5 years.

Truly, I would say that those 5 years was not easy. However, God never failed to comfort me and assure me to wait for His best. He was truly my number one Cheerleader, Comforter, Encourager, who never failed to show up on time. God was so used to my whining and crying. When I was down, He would remind me of the verse in Habakkuk that He promised me. When people started to laugh at me that I do not have a boyfriend, I would shout out that Jesus is my boyfriend.

Finally, in 2007 October, it was the end of my 5 years pledge to God and no man of my heart desire showed up. Seriously, I would say that those 5 years was a privilege. Because it had been a wonderful and beautiful 5 years with my Maker, my Creator. It was (and is) an honor to be solely His and His only, to know Him so intimately and personally.

Not only that, but during those 5 years period, God transformed me inside and outside. First, God molded what was inside of me, my heart and my character, feeding me with His word and telling me that heart matters to Him. He wanted me to know that beauty lies in the eyes of the Creator. As He molded my heart, guess what? God also took me through an ‘extreme makeover’. My mum tried very hard wanting me to lose weight; she took me to see nutritionist, took me to slimming center, but nothing helped.... My mum gave up and decided that the only person that could help me was God. She prayed to God that I lose 20kgs. Truly, her prayer came to pass.... I lost 23kgs in 2 years plus time! I thank God from the bottom of my heart for molding and transforming me inside and outside. I thank God for having signed up for this 5 years package that made me who I am today!

(This testimony is not asking you to make a 5 years pledge to God; more of….challenging you to trust God. God is your Creator, He knows you the best especially your heart desire. He will definitely give you the very best in His time.)

These 5 years pledge came to an end without any man showing up. However, it did not stop there because I truly believed that someday, this someone special would definitely come just as God had promised, and that he will be the man worth waiting for. (Till then, I really encourage all of us to trust God, wait on Him and enjoy this period of time with God ALONE. Get to know your Creator intimately and personally, you will discover that He is so interested in you and everything about you...and so this part of BGR that matters to you and I, how can He ever forget? He will definately make it beautiful for you, in HIS TIME.)

On the LAST DAY OF THE PLEDGE (30/9/2007), Rayson was revealed to me. It was a Sunday during 'Praise and Worship' while I asked God again about that special man. Actually, my shepherd asked me to pray about Rayson. In disbelief, I kept rejecting and telling my shepherd it wouldn't be him. This was a guy I had a crush on for 3 years. And I still remember how my white gold cross necklace got lost, and while I was praying, I was battling in my mind and thought God wanted me to really give Rayson up; to focus on God and truly serve and love Him. I told God during 'Praise and Worship', "If Rayson is from You, then You wouldn't want me to give up!"

Then, in a still small voice, He told me, "My dear child, do you remember... this is the LAST DAY of your pledge? This is my gift to you". I teared and teared... and in my heart I knew, HE IS A GIFT FROM MY FATHER IN HEAVEN...!"

(Edited).